I’m an extremely gifted athlete. Always have been and always will be until I’m out of my prime I guess. I’ve always been proud of that and I still am. And by that I mean I’m just naturally gifted, a lot of my athleticism is God given, not earned. I’m extremely strong, fast, explosive and I can jump high. I pick up any sport I play quickly and excel at it. So as I’m telling you this you’re probably expecting me to tell you that I’m some professional athlete playing overseas or something. Well I’m not and no, I’m not injured, I didn’t get some girl pregnant or something either. I chose this and every so often I get someone I know or used to know tell me how I wasted my potential.
I never wanted to be a “professional” athlete. Never. I played sports because they were fun, I liked competing, I liked the attention and being good at sports got me laid. You know what else I was? I was very lazy and didn’t like exerting energy needlessly. If it were up to me I’d skip practicing forever and just show up for games. Growing up only two coaches kept my ego in check and humbled me. Luckily later on, my cockiness would diminish (I still liked the attention and never lost any confidence). Soccer was my main sport, I’ve been playing since I was four and because I was so good at it amongst other sports, it came with expectations I didn’t like.
My old man always wanted me to run track. I promise you for a guy who doesn’t train at all unless its practice, I was fast. I ran a 10.80 in grade 10/11 and I’ve never had any proper training for 100m. I don’t respond to being nagged and pushed, it never works, I’m stubborn and I didn’t wanna run track anymore. I just wanted to play soccer. He was actually okay with that but he and so many other people eventually started telling me what I should be doing with my life as an athlete. You need to practice more, hit the weight room, train every day, eat this, go here and do this. “Bro if I had your talent man I’d do this, man your so luckily I wish I was that fast.” I was drowning.
For a while I kind of listened. I joined the clubs they said I should join, I’d practice during my free time and because of that I got noticed, played some high level soccer and even got a semi scholarship to play at college. But soccer became a job, it felt like work and I wasn’t enjoying it. The attention became a burden, the pressure was on and all the relationships that stemmed from me playing felt superficial. I didn’t even want to play anymore. My whole life everyone talked about my possible future as a basketball player, track star, soccer player and I never wanted that for myself. And there’s more to me than just being athletic. I have more to offer and I was tired of feeling that all people saw in me was another athletic black kid and nothing more.
For some people, sports are just a dumb thing jocks do but anyone who competes understands the levels of complexity that comes with playing. In the 8th grade, I partially tore the ligament in my left ankle and to this very day I’m extremely protective of my ankle. I’m 24, this is years later and I still feel vulnerable there, a literal Achilles Heel. That’s the thing some people don’t see, the psychological effect these games can have on you, even after the fact. I never had a career ending injury but those fears exist when you get hurt badly and it followed me why whole life. I remember even thinking what happens when I’m too old to play? Finally during my off season in college I made a choice, for me and no one else.
I stopped, I only play for fun and for me. Disappointed probably tons of people, some in my family who never fail to remind me and some friends who bring it up often. But it’s okay, I rather it be this way. I’m happier for it, soccer is fun again and working hard to be the writer I want to be is a fun kind of frustrating. Could I have been all the things people expected me to be? MAYBE. I didn’t have the drive for it though, so I guess we’ll never know. Truth be told deep down I never thought I was that good at any of these sports and that people just overestimated how good I was but anyways, I digress. I’ve made good friends, good memories and whatnot over the years doing this shit. And honestly, that's enough.
I never wanted to be a “professional” athlete. Never. I played sports because they were fun, I liked competing, I liked the attention and being good at sports got me laid. You know what else I was? I was very lazy and didn’t like exerting energy needlessly. If it were up to me I’d skip practicing forever and just show up for games. Growing up only two coaches kept my ego in check and humbled me. Luckily later on, my cockiness would diminish (I still liked the attention and never lost any confidence). Soccer was my main sport, I’ve been playing since I was four and because I was so good at it amongst other sports, it came with expectations I didn’t like.
My old man always wanted me to run track. I promise you for a guy who doesn’t train at all unless its practice, I was fast. I ran a 10.80 in grade 10/11 and I’ve never had any proper training for 100m. I don’t respond to being nagged and pushed, it never works, I’m stubborn and I didn’t wanna run track anymore. I just wanted to play soccer. He was actually okay with that but he and so many other people eventually started telling me what I should be doing with my life as an athlete. You need to practice more, hit the weight room, train every day, eat this, go here and do this. “Bro if I had your talent man I’d do this, man your so luckily I wish I was that fast.” I was drowning.
For a while I kind of listened. I joined the clubs they said I should join, I’d practice during my free time and because of that I got noticed, played some high level soccer and even got a semi scholarship to play at college. But soccer became a job, it felt like work and I wasn’t enjoying it. The attention became a burden, the pressure was on and all the relationships that stemmed from me playing felt superficial. I didn’t even want to play anymore. My whole life everyone talked about my possible future as a basketball player, track star, soccer player and I never wanted that for myself. And there’s more to me than just being athletic. I have more to offer and I was tired of feeling that all people saw in me was another athletic black kid and nothing more.
For some people, sports are just a dumb thing jocks do but anyone who competes understands the levels of complexity that comes with playing. In the 8th grade, I partially tore the ligament in my left ankle and to this very day I’m extremely protective of my ankle. I’m 24, this is years later and I still feel vulnerable there, a literal Achilles Heel. That’s the thing some people don’t see, the psychological effect these games can have on you, even after the fact. I never had a career ending injury but those fears exist when you get hurt badly and it followed me why whole life. I remember even thinking what happens when I’m too old to play? Finally during my off season in college I made a choice, for me and no one else.
I stopped, I only play for fun and for me. Disappointed probably tons of people, some in my family who never fail to remind me and some friends who bring it up often. But it’s okay, I rather it be this way. I’m happier for it, soccer is fun again and working hard to be the writer I want to be is a fun kind of frustrating. Could I have been all the things people expected me to be? MAYBE. I didn’t have the drive for it though, so I guess we’ll never know. Truth be told deep down I never thought I was that good at any of these sports and that people just overestimated how good I was but anyways, I digress. I’ve made good friends, good memories and whatnot over the years doing this shit. And honestly, that's enough.